editorial note: Brad Johnson was in the ministry for nearly 30 years, most recently at the helm of a suburban megachurch. In the midst of his divorce, he stepped down and now heads up lifechangecommunity.org and is a Starbucks barista. In early June, Ex/Urb ran a feature interview of Brad Johnson. Since then, Brad has been contributing to Fresh Faith, a Sunday blog about religion, renewal, faith and grace.

I married at 20.   I shared a bed with my wife for 28 years.  More than two years after our separation and divorce, I woke up recently and realized:  I’m sleeping in the middle of the bed.

This was a big ‘aha’ moment for me.  Here’s why.   For 28 years I slept on the very same side of the bed.  Mainly, I slept on a third of the bed, left side.  I’m usually not a restless sleeper and seldom require more than my third. Once I began sleeping in the bed alone, the habit of sleeping on my portion stuck.  That became a metaphor for my divorce process.  I was stuck.  I couldn’t imagine life un-married.  I had never dreamed that this would be the condition of my life.  And though I was primarily responsible for the wreckage of our home, I was unprepared for this single life and I didn’t know how to function or even consider it.

So I kept sleeping in the same spot I had occupied for all those years.

I don’t know exactly how long it had taken me to inch my way toward a wider expanse of the bed, before I realized that the boundaries of my little sleep-world were loosening up.  But one morning, just recently, I was lying awake and it occurred to me that I was smack-dab in the middle of my bed.  From the wrinkling of the bed covers, it was obvious I had been in the middle most of the night.

I was almost afraid to move.  At an intuitive level, I knew this was significant.  I was no longer Brad-the-left-side-of-the-bed guy, consigned to the same space I had occupied for nearly three decades, but I had become Brad-this-is-a-new-way-to-live guy.   It was a transformational moment on my continuing road of divorce healing.

Please hear me.  I know why scripture says that God hates divorce.  I do too.  I’ll be forever sorry and repentant for my part in my marital demise.

But after this passage of time, I am beginning to see that perhaps there is a ‘new normal’ that begins to creep into the fringes of life which helps make all things new.

This must be part of God’s healing, restorative work.  The middle of the bed….must be part of a fresh start on the next leg of the journey.