Tuesday nights are really not my ideal going out night, but Tuesday’s with Tom Freund at The Stronghold in Venice is tempting enough to get me out. Especially when it’s his new EP release party. Opening acts for Tom included Shane Alexander and Chris Joyner, two amazing singer/songwriters in their own right. But I was there for Tom, my favorite male vocalist, a guy I’ve been following for a couple years now, and who hit the jackpot with his new release, FIT TO SCREEN. Independent singer/songwriters are hard to find, if you are looking at the big box stores. But they are everywhere, when you look local, and you have the patience to find a gem. Tom is one of these treasures. His soulful voice, amazing talent, and group of friends he rocks with makes you feel good. The venue was awesome. The Stronghold, by day sells jeans on Abbot Kinney in Venice, by night, the upstairs loft turns into a listening room for great local performers.

There is one thing about the evening that disappointed me. REALLY disappointed me. The crowd was loud. Not in a “yay Tom, we love you!” sort of way. In an obnoxious “I won’t stop chatting even when the musicians are playing their hearts out” sort of way. Truly Mellow Tom politely asked the peeps to chill, to no avail. Pet peeve here…if you are going to see talent at a small venue such as The Stronghold, pay respect to the artists! Being steps away in an intimate setting is special! It made me angry to listen to the girls giggling behind me, and my husband wasn’t thrilled with the guy leaning across his body to talk to the girl on the couch next to him. I have to say, Tom was polite. He could have yelled at them, like the band Mars Volta did. But he stayed cool, and played amazingly all night. Kudos, Tom! Rock on!

Add housework to the list of things I look forward to doing. Don’t think I’m crazy, either.  Here’s the theory: housework is part of maintaining our lives. There simply is not an option of parenting without maintenance.  Why not love your job?  Okay, before you answer, I will offer my guidelines for loving this particular maintenance job.

First, I intentionally breathe into each required movement.  I feel it instantly. When I synchronize my body’s movement with life force (breath) and intention (well-being), I gain immediate benefit from the mind~body~spirit connectivity. Here’s an example: I breathe out as I squat or pick up a dirty garment, breathe in and center myself with love, breathe out as I throw the clothes into the machine. It might take a little practice, but the mindfulness makes me happier.

Second, I intentionally twist a little further than is required.  Many maintenance tasks involve twisting the trunk of your body:  dishes, laundry transfer and folding.  Twisting the trunk squeezes and releases toxins from your internal organs.  Enjoy dish-washing, knowing every dish gets you lighter, especially if you breathe into and out of the twist.  Breath in as you straighten, breath out as you twist. It’s really that simple.

Third, I improve my posture every time I reach for something on the ground.  Picking up clutter from the floor and washing a child’s hair (standing while they are sitting in the bathtub) can actually increase vigor instead of being another part of the grind.  Leaning over the bath is the same as doing a right-angle yoga pose (lengthen your body as you bend forward and keep your trunk outright, hips anchored, chin tucked and connected with muscles in your core).  And when you bend down to pick up toys,  bend at the hip crease and perform a slow-motion dive; keep your spine straight instead of bending your lower back.  This pose is wonderful for a good night’s sleep. You can also squat to invigorate your nervous system and improve alignment.

And, as enjoyable as these maintenance tasks can be when you make them yoga moves, it’s also yogic to delegate tasks to the kids.  I know that some tasks are more work for you when your child helps…  Delegate carefully.  If you just need to get stuff done without the kids interfering, try my method of talking to your kids about the value of a happy parent.  A speech about the benefits of a happy mom sends my 5-year-old right toward quiet, independent play every time.

Please, comment if you have additions to this approach!!  From every lemon, we can make lemon cookies, lemonade, lemon frosting, lemon-pepper linguini, etc.

Athough your meeting with a Living Trust/Will attorney may not end with the same question “surf or turf?” for your burial preferences, like ours did, it should happen. Yes, couples of our age and demographic should talk about “the end” and what happens after our demise.

You’ve bought the house, paid the mortgage, had the kids, bought the life insurance. Now it’s time to think what happens after “happily ever after”. Our attorney made it (somewhat) pleasant. We went through several scenarios to determine what works best for our needs. It depends on your assets. And to our surprise, Congress has made some pretty hefty changes to the “death tax” limit. Yes sir (and lady!) taxes at your death can mean 45-55% of your assets being handed over to the government instead of your survivors. If you don’t want this to happen, I suggest you too, meet with an attorney who can explain this to you, help you develop your Living Trust, and for a price, have it filed.

We opted to go see Grant Pederson, at Pederson Law Offices in Thousand Oaks. I actually remember when Grant was born. His sister is a friend from elementary school and they lived up the street from us. Now he’s all grown up and helped walk us through all the steps to make the right decisions for our family.

Not always the most pleasant of thoughts, or the most exciting thing to accomplish from your Bucket List, but believe me, knowing it’s taken care of feels better already.

Suburban Nation: The Rise of Sprawl and the Decline of the American Dream

By Andres Duany, Elizabeth Plater-Zyberk and Jeff Speck

I know this book sounds really appealing, right? Bear with me. This is an excellent book that sums up much of how, when and why suburbs were created. It talks a lot about weird things (to non-city planner types): road width, intersections, residential and commercial sites in the suburbs, laws and tax codes. Suburban Nation taught me the  term “collector road,” for which I am grateful. Everybody should know about collector roads! I swear, the book is absolutely fascinating – that is, until you get about two-thirds through. That’s when the complaining about suburbs and everything that’s wrong with them gets old. By the end, though, the authors redeem themselves by giving very good advice to those of us who wish to make the burbs more livable and sustainable. If only city council people, planners, and other community leaders in the burbs had the wherewithal to read this! That would be something.

Now for my personal take on a major failing of these authors (and others in their field). They talk about the built environment and how much that has to do with how people live. Yes, it sure does. But where do they leave room for the human spirit? So the average suburban environment is, well, a bit appalling  – horrible architecture, collector roads, tract houses, even people with boring furniture. However, I don’t care how drab the built world is, people are always creative. There is always an artist, writer, an entrepreneur, a cool mom, an enlightened dad, the bizarre and funny kid. In short, there is life in the burbs. Much as urban planners like to deny it, we equal more than the sum of our built parts. That’s my lecture for the day. Now go read Suburban Nation. The authors are smart. Besides, this is your world and you should know about it.

Note: since there are seriously no independent bookstores in our part of exurbia, we’re giving you an Amazon link.

St. Johns Pleasant Valley Hospital in Camarillo, CA– along with some of the most prestigious hospitals in the country– has long allowed nurse midwives to deliver babies in their facility. Recently, though, nurse midwives were given notice. Here, we interview midwife Joyce Weckl about the turn of events and what it can mean to women’s health. Over her career, Weckl has delivered hundreds of babies in several birthing centers and hospitals and has served as an assistant clinical professor at the University of California at Irvine. Full disclosure: in 2004 I coauthored the book Fearless Pregnancy with Weckl and OB/GYN Stuart Fischbein.

5 Questions for Joyce Weckl, CNM

EXURB: How long have you been delivering at St. Johns Pleasant Valley in Camarillo and what’s the current situation with midwives there?

WECKL: I’ve been delivering there for 14 years. The first certified nurse midwife delivery at St. John’s was done by a CNM named Patricia Halpern 30 years ago. So nurse-midwives have been on staff for 30 years.

Recently,  St. John’s Pleasant Valley informed us we can no longer deliver there.

EXURB: What were the reasons given by the hospital and  what do you think is behind this action really?

WECKL: The reason cited was safety, but there was no evidence to suggest problems with midwives at the hospital. Pleasant Valley is a small community hospital with no NICU (neo-natal intensive care unit).  We are still able to deliver at sister hospital St. John’s Oxnard, which has a NICU, but our office is in Camarillo and going to Oxnard is prohibitive for many women.

There has never been any sort of peer review over the quality of CNM care nor were we invited or aware of any of these proceedings. In fact, the letter they sent me (3 days before this became effective) stated that this was no reflection whatsoever on my care. It also stated that I was not entitled to a hearing or review.  Our belief is that this policy is the result of several political agendas of certain members of the medical staff and has no basis in evidence or statistics. I also feel that this is not just about midwifery but also about women’s health care options being determined by back room dealings and not evidence based medical care.

EXURB: What could the political reasons be?

WECKL: I’m not sure myself. Some people have said it’s an attempt to get rid of Stuart [Fischbein], or at least make his life miserable, because of his “renegade” care of backing up home birth midwives. Others have suggested that it’s an attempt to make life more difficult for the few medical offices — Stuart’s and mine– that employ midwives and rely on them in their practice. My new practice, for example, is an all female OB-GYN staff and we are smokin’! We’re probably taking all of the other doctors’ patients away.
EXURB: Certainly, getting rid of midwives changes the climate. I know one labor-delivery nurse at Los Robles Hospital in Thousand Oaks, where they don’t allow midwives, and she’s said almost nobody even tries to have an unmedicated birth there. It’s almost unheard of. Do you think midwives have an influence on the hospital and community in general?

WECKL: Absolutely. When nurses witness a more natural approach to birth they are amazed. There is something innate in all of us that connects with that more primal natural birth experience. The word spreads to other patients, nurses and physicians. It promotes a more compassionate, mother-baby friendly environment.

I think whether you like or want midwives or not isn’t the real issue here. The bigger issue is that women should be outraged that this is how their healthcare is being decided.

EXURB: What can people do to support you?

WECKL: The local group that is spearheading the campaign is called Birth Action Coalition (BAC). Their website is the place for current information. We’ve been on the news, had lots of coverage in the local paper, and are trying to organize letter writing and protests. Please see the website for more information. All of the media links are on there.

http://birthactioncoalition.org/